"PSSSST!"
The sound of tiny bell-like giggles drill into my sleep starved brain.
"PSSSSST! Troooooooy, wake up!"
The voice, sounding like a mouse on helium, is now accompanied by a tapping on the bridge of my nose. I crack open one eye to see Terra sitting on the pillow in front of me, practically vibrating with impatience and excitement.
"What Terra?" I growl.
"It's Christmas time!" She says as she jumps to her feet, wings buzzing. Her announcement is accompanied by a chorus of tiny, high pitched, ear bleeding pixie cheers. I am not alone, there are pixies in my room. With great difficulty, I carefully focus my sleep encrusted eye past Terra to the alarm clock on my bedside table.
"Terra, it's 12:01 AM..."
"Ya, that's what I said, it's Christmas time!" More pixie cheers. My ears were starting to ring.
"Terra, it's only been December for one minute. We have twenty four more days to go. Plenty of time to decorate."
"But you said..." She pouted. A chorus of "Awwwww's" echoed her disappointment.
"Terra, I have to go to work in five hours. I need to get some sleep. You girls know the rules."
"But..."
"Terra, I swear I will get the fly swatter!" My bloodshot eye glared at her.
A last chorus of "Awww's, "Bummer's" and at least on "Jerk!" was heard as the girls flittered out of my room.
"Ivy! I heard that!" I croaked as I closed my eye and went back to sleep.
And that is how my holidays started.
Look, I like the holidays as much as the next guy, but at my age I need my sleep too. The alarm went off all too soon, and before I could even turn it off, a veritable tornado of pixies entered my room once again. I went through my morning routine, and before I left for work, I dug through the closet, and got out the three large boxes of Christmas decorations.
"Okay girls, you can CAREFULLY get out the decorations and get things ORGANIZED (I stressed those two words quite clearly). We will go pick out a tree this evening after I get home." Cheers and squeals followed me as I shut the door and headed off to work.
I get it. I mean from the pixie point of view that is. The holidays are full of lights and bright shiny ornaments, glitter, tinsel, presents etc. Our first year together, they were a bit confused by the whole thing. I tried to sit down and have a theological discussion with them about the different meanings and religions and so on. It lasted all of one minute and thirty five seconds. I timed it. I was surprised they listened that long. I guess in order to understand religion, you have to understand the concept of time, as well as life and death. Pixies don't. Sure, they know what death is, since pixies do occasionally die. Not from old age, but from things like hawks, owls, traps, cold, etc. But I think their attention spans are just to short to dwell on things like "the future" or for that matter, the past. You know how, when you leave a dog alone in the house for just a few minutes, and when you come back, they act like you have been gone for years! Pixies are kind of like that. They live for the moment. Even thinking a day ahead is hard for them. Unless it involves holidays.
Or pizza.
Anyway, eight hours later I got off work and headed home. Tired and worn out, but now that I was awake, I was looking forward to the evening. I could just imagine them now, buzzing with excitement and eagerly waiting for me to get home. They would have all the decorations laid out and ready to put up... When am I gonna learn? I unlocked and opened the door...
Someone had detonated a bomb in my living room. A multicoloured, glittery, shiny Christmas bomb. A big one. And those someones were still here.
"Give it back, that ones mine to put up."
"I didn't break that bulb, you did...!"
"No Ivy, it's MY turn to put the star on top!"
"Terra, tell Crystal she's not allowed to use the super-glue after last time..."
"The red ones should go up first!"
"Nuh-uh, the green one go up first!"
It was like being hit in the face. With a two by four. A two by four made of tinsel and glitter, colour and sound.
"GIRLS!"
Pixies froze. The silence was almost perfect. A single strand of silver tinsel wiggled and twisted as it floated from the ceiling fan to the floor. I shut the door.
"Troy, She took my..."
"Troy, you said..."
"I wanted to put the red ones..."
"Tia broke your..."
"ENOUGH!" I roared. Pixies scattered.
I looked around the room. Ornaments, tinsel, and garlands were hanging from just about every conceivable surface. There were also a number of "casualties" in broken shards on the floor.
"Terra!" I called, in my best Drill Sargent voice. Terra's head slowly peeked out from behind some DVD's on the shelf. "I want all the ornaments placed CAREFULLY on the couch. I want the garlands neatly draped over the chair. And I want all the tinsel put back in the bags."
More heads began to peek out from various hiding spots. "NOW!" I ordered. Twenty minutes and three squabbles later, things were back to normal. If there is such a thing when you live with pixies.
